nto confusion； and swell to a bulk that would frighten you from ever looking into them at all。 You must allow some time for learning what you do not know； and some for keeping what you do know； and you must leave a great deal of time for your pleasures； which （I repeat it； again） are now become the most necessary part of your education。 It is by conversations； dinners； suppers； entertainments； etc。； in the best companies； that you must be formed for the world。 'Les manieres les agremens； les graces' cannot be learned by theory； they are only to be got by use among those who have them； and they are now the main object of your life； as they are the necessary steps to your fortune。 A man of the best parts； and the greatest learning； if he does not know the world by his own experience and observation； will be very absurd； and consequently very unwelcome in company。 He may say very good things； but they will probably be so ill… timed； misplaced； or improperly addressed； that he had much better hold his tongue。 Full of his own matter； and uninformed of； or inattentive to； the particular circumstances and situations of the company； he vents it indiscriminately； he puts some people out of countenance； he shocks others； and frightens all； who dread what may come out next。 The most general rule that I can give you for the world； and which your experience will convince you of the truth of； is； Never to give the tone to the company； but to take it from them； and to labor more to put them in conceit with themselves； than to make them admire you。 Those whom you can make like themselves better； will； I promise you； like you very well。
A system…monger； who； without knowing anything of the world by experience； has formed a system； of it in his dusty cell； lays it down； for example； that （from the general nature of mankind） flattery is pleasing。 He will therefore flatter。 But how？ Why； indiscriminately。 And instead of repairing and heightening the piece judiciously； with soft colors and a delicate pencil；with a coarse brush and a great deal of whitewash； he daubs and besmears the piece he means to adorn。 His flattery offends even his patron； and is almost too gross for his mistress。 A man of the world knows the force of flattery as well as he does； but then he knows how； when； and where to give it； he proportions his dose to the constitution of the patient。 He flatters by application； by inference； by comparison； by hint； and seldom directly。 In the course of the world； there is the same difference in everything between system and practice。
I long to have you at Paris； which is to be your great school； you will be then in a manner within reach of me。
Tell me； are you perfectly recovered； or do you still find any remaining complaint upon your lungs？ Your diet should be cooling； and at the same time nourishing。 Milks of all kinds are proper for you； wines of all kinds bad。 A great deal of gentle； and no violent exercise； is good for you。 Adieu。 'Gratia； fama； et valetudo； contingat； abunde！'
LETTER CXIX
LONDON； October 22； O。 S。 1750
MY DEAR FRIEND： This letter will； I am persuaded； find you； and I hope safely； arrived at Montpelier； from whence I trust that Mr。 Harte's indisposition will； by being totally removed； allow you to get to Paris before Christmas。 You will there find two people who； though both English； I recommend in the strongest manner possible to your attention； and advise you to form the most intimate connections with them both； in their； different ways。 The one is a man whom you already know something of； but not near enough： it is the Earl of Huntingdon； who； next to you； is the truest object of my affection and esteem； and who （I am proud to say it） calls me； and considers me as his adopted father。 His parts are as quick as his knowledge is extensive； and if quality were worth putting into an account； where every other item is so much more valuable； he is the first almost in this country： the figure he will make in it； soon after he returns to it； will； if I am not more mistaken than ever I was in my life； equal his birth and my hopes。 Such a connection will be of infinite advantage to you； and； I can assure you； that he is extremely disposed to form it upon my account； and will； I hope and believe； desire to improve and cement it upon your own。
In our parliamentary government； connections are absolutely necessary； and； if prudently formed and ably maintained； the success of them is infallible。 There are two sorts of connections； which I would always advise you to have in view。 The first I will call equal ones； by which I mean those； where the two connecting parties reciprocally find their account； from pretty near an equal degree of parts and abilities。 In those； there must be a freer communication； each must see that the other is able； and be convinced that he is willing to be of use to him。 Honor must be the principle of such connections； and there must be a mutual dependence； that present and separate interest shall not be able to break them。 There must be a joint system of action； and； in case of different opinions； each must recede a little； in order at last to form an unanimous one。 Such； I hope； will be your connection with Lord Huntingdon。 You will both come into parliament at the same time； and if you have an equal share of abilities and application； you and he； with other young people； with whom you will naturally associate； may form a band which will be respected by any administration； and make a figure in the public。 The other sort of connections I call unequal ones； that is； where the parts are all on one side； and the rank and fortune on the other。 Here； the advantage is all on one side； but that advantage must be ably and artfully concealed。 Complaisance； an engaging manner； and a patient toleration of certain airs of superiority； must cement them。 The weaker party must be taken by the heart； his head giving no hold； and he must be governed by being made to believe that he governs。 These people； skillfully led； give great weight to their leader。 I have formerly pointed out to you a couple that I take to be proper objects for your skill； and you will meet with twenty more； for they are very rife。
The other person whom I recommended to you is a woman； not as a woman； for that is not immediately my business； besides； I fear that she is turned of fifty。 It is Lady Hervey； whom I directed you to call upon at Dijon； but who； to my great joy； because to your great advantage； passes all this winter at Paris。 She has been bred all her life at courts； of which she has acquired all the easy good…breeding and politeness； without the frivolousness。 She has all the reading that a woman should have； and more than any woman need have； for she understands Latin perfectly well； though she wisely conceals it。 As she will look upon you as her son； I desire that you will look upon her as my delegate： trust； consult； and apply to her without reserve。 No woman ever had more than she has； 'le ton de la parfaitement bonne compagnie； les manieres engageantes； et le je ne sais quoi qui plait'。 Desire her to reprove and correct any； and every； the least error and in…； accuracy in your manners； air； address； etc。 No woman in Europe can do it so well； none will do it more willingly； or in a more proper and obliging manner。 In such a case she will not put you out of countenance； by telling you of it in company； but either intimate it by some sign； or wait for an opportunity when you are alone together。 She is also in the best French company； where she will not only introduce but PUFF you； if I may use so low a word。 And I can assure you that it is no little help； in the 'beau monde'； to be puffed there by a fashionable woman。 I send you the inclosed billet to carry her； only as a certificate of the identity of your person； which I take it for granted she could not know again。
You would be so much surprised to receive a whole letter from me without any mention of the exterior ornaments necessary for a gentleman； as manners； elocution； air； address； graces； etc。； that； to comply with your expectations； I will touch upon them； and tell you； that when you come to England； I will show you some people； whom I do not now care to name； raised to the highest stations singly by those exterior and adventitious ornaments； whose parts would never have entitled them to the smallest office in the excise。 Are they then necessary； and worth acquiring； or not？ You will see many instances of this kind at Paris； particularly a glaring one； of a person ＇M。 le Marechal de Richelieu＇ raised to the highest posts and dignities in France； as well as to be absolute sovereign of the 'beau monde'； simply by the graces of his person and address； by woman's chit…chat； accompanied with important gestures； by an imposing air and pleasing abord。 Nay； by these helps； he even passes for a wit； though he hath certainly no uncommon share of it。 I will not name him； because it would be very imprudent in you to do it。 A young fellow； at his first entrance into the 'beau monde'； must not offend the king 'de facto' there。 It is very often more necessary to conceal contempt than resentment； the former forgiven；