took up the refrain。 Tompkins was our manthe cheeriest； merriest
companion imaginable。 Tompkins alone could be trusted to make the
affair a success。 Tompkins； who had only arrived that afternoon； was
pointed out to our chieftainess。 We could hear his good…tempered
laugh from where we sat； grouped together at the other end of the
room。 Our chieftainess rose； and made for him direct。
Alas！ she was a short…sighted ladywe had not thought of that。 She
returned in triumph； followed by a dismal…looking man I had met the
year before in the Black Forest； and had hoped never to meet again。
I drew her aside。
〃Whatever you do；〃 I said； 〃don't ask 〃 （I forget his name。 One
of these days I'll forget him altogether； and be happier。 I will
call him Johnson。） 〃He would turn the whole thing into a funeral
before we were half…way there。 I climbed a mountain with him once。
He makes you forget all your other troubles； that is the only thing
he is good for。〃
〃But who is Johnson？〃 she demanded。 〃Why； that's Johnson；〃 I
explained〃the thing you've brought over。 Why on earth didn't you
leave it alone？ Where's your woman's instinct？〃
〃Great heavens！〃 she cried； 〃I thought it was Tompkins。 I've invited
him； and he's accepted。〃
She was a stickler for politeness； and would not hear of his being
told that he had been mistaken for an agreeable man； but that the
error； most fortunately； had been discovered in time。 He started a
row with the driver of the sledge； and devoted the journey outwards
to an argument on the fiscal question。 He told the proprietor of the
hotel what he thought of German cooking； and insisted on having the
windows open。 One of our partya German studentsang；
〃Deutschland； Deutschland uber alles；〃which led to a heated
discussion on the proper place of sentiment in literature； and a
general denunciation by Johnson of Teutonic characteristics in
general。 We did not dance。 Johnson said that； of course； he spoke
only for himself； but the sight of middle…aged ladies and gentlemen
catching hold of each other round the middle and jigging about like
children was to him rather a saddening spectacle； but to the young
such gambolling was natural。 Let the young ones indulge themselves。
Only four of our party could claim to be under thirty with any hope
of success。 They were kind enough not to impress the fact upon us。
Johnson enlivened the journey back by a searching analysis of
enjoyment： Of what did it really consist？
Yet； on wishing him 〃Good…night；〃 our chieftainess thanked him for
his company in precisely the same terms she would have applied to
Tompkins； who； by unflagging good humour and tact； would have made
the day worth remembering to us all for all time。
＇And everyone obtained his just Deserts！＇
We pay dearly for our want of sincerity。 We are denied the payment
of praise： it has ceased to have any value。 People shake me warmly
by the hand and tell me that they like my books。 It only bores me。
Not that I am superior to complimentnobody isbut because I cannot
be sure that they mean it。 They would say just the same had they
never read a line I had written。 If I visit a house and find a book
of mine open face downwards on the window…seat； it sends no thrill of
pride through my suspicious mind。 As likely as not； I tell myself；
the following is the conversation that has taken place between my
host and hostess the day before my arrival：
〃Don't forget that man J is coming down tomorrow。〃
〃To…morrow！ I wish you would tell me of these things a little
earlier。〃
〃I did tell youtold you last week。 Your memory gets worse every
day。〃
〃You certainly never told me； or I should have remembered it。 Is he
anybody important？〃
〃Oh； no； writes books。〃
〃What sort of books？I mean； is he quite respectable？〃
〃Of course； or I should not have invited him。 These sort of people
go everywhere nowadays。 By the by； have we got any of his books
about the house？〃
〃I don't think so。 I'll look and see。 If you had let me know in
time I could have ordered one from Mudie's。〃
〃Well； I've got to go to town； I'll make sure of it； and buy one。〃
〃Seems a pity to waste money。 Won't you be going anywhere near
Mudie's？〃
〃Looks more appreciative to have bought a copy。 It will do for a
birthday present for someone。〃
On the other hand； the conversation may have been very different。 My
hostess may have said：
〃Oh； I AM glad he's coming。 I have been longing to meet him for
years。〃
She may have bought my book on the day of publication； and be reading
it through for the second time。 She may； by pure accident； have left
it on her favourite seat beneath the window。 The knowledge that
insincerity is our universal garment has reduced all compliment to
meaningless formula。 A lady one evening at a party drew me aside。
The chief guesta famous writerhad just arrived。
〃Tell me；〃 she said； 〃I have so little time for reading； what has he
done？〃
I was on the point of replying when an inveterate wag； who had
overheard her； interposed between us。
〃'The Cloister and the Hearth；'〃 he told her； 〃and 'Adam Bede。'〃
He happened to know the lady well。 She has a good heart； but was
ever muddle…headed。 She thanked that wag with a smile； and I heard
her later in the evening boring most evidently that literary lion
with elongated praise of the 〃Cloister and the Hearth〃 and 〃Adam
Bede。〃 They were among the few books she had ever read； and talking
about them came easily to her。 She told me afterwards that she had
found that literary lion a charming man； but …
〃Well；〃 she laughed； 〃he has got a good opinion of himself。 He told
me he considered both books among the finest in the English
language。〃
It is as well always to make a note of the author's name。 Some
people never domore particularly playgoers。 A well…known dramatic
author told me he once took a couple of colonial friends to a play of
his own。 It was after a little dinner at Kettner's； they suggested
the theatre； and he thought he would give them a treat。 He did not
mention to them that he was the author； and they never looked at the
programme。 Their faces as the play proceeded lengthened； it did not
seem to be their school of comedy。 At the end of the first act they
sprang to their feet。
〃Let's chuck this rot；〃 suggested one。
〃Let's go to the Empire；〃 suggested the other。 The well…known
dramatist followed them out。 He thinks the fault must have been with
the dinner。
A young friend of minea man of good familycontracted a
mesalliance： that is； he married the daughter of a Canadian farmer；
a frank； amiable girl； bewitchingly pretty； with more character in
her little finger than some girls possess in their whole body。 I met
him one day； some three months after his return to London。
＇And only people would do Parlour Tricks who do them well！＇
〃Well；〃 I asked him； 〃how is it shaping？〃
〃She is the dearest girl in the world；〃 he answered。 〃She has only
got one fault； she believes what people say。〃
〃She will get over that；〃 I suggested。
〃I hope she does；〃 he replied； 〃it's awkward at present。〃
〃I can see it leading her into difficulty；〃 I agreed。
〃She is not accomplished；〃 he continued。 He seemed to wish to talk
about it to a sympathetic listener。 〃She never pretended to be
accomplished。 I did not marry her for her accomplishments。 But now
she is beginning to think she must have been accomplished all the
time； without knowing it。 She plays the piano like a schoolgirl on a
parents' visiting…day。 She told them she did not playnot worth
listening toat least； she began by telling them so。 They insisted
that she did； that they had heard about her playing； and were
thirsting to enjoy it。 She is good nature itself。 She would stand
on her head if she thought it would give real joy to anyone。 She
took it they really wanted to hear her； and so let 'em have it。 They
tell her that her touch is something quite out of the commonwhich
is the truth； if only she could understand itwhy did she never
think of taking up music as a profession？ By this time she is
wondering herself that she never did。 They are not satisfied with
hearing her once。 They ask for more； and they get it。 The other
evening I had to keep quiet on my chair while she thumped through
four pieces one after the other； including the Beethoven Sonata。 We
knew it was the Beethoven Sonata。 She told us before she started it
was going to be the Beethoven Sonata； otherwise； for all any of us
could have guessed； it might have been the 'Battle of Prague。' We
all sat round with wooden faces； staring at our boots。 Afterwards
those of them that couldn't get near enough to her to make a fool of
her crowded round me。 Wanted to know why I had never told them I had
discovered a musical prodigy。 I'll lose my temper one day and pull
somebody's nose； I feel I shall。 She's got a recitation； whether
intended to be serious or comic I had never been able to make up my
mind。 The way she gives it confers upon it all the disadvantages of
bo