a far country- 第98部分

Tallant；　too；　added　something；　and　Berringer；I've　forgotten　what。　　I
was　tired；　too　tired　to　meet　their　advances　halfway。　　I　said　that　I　had　a
speech　to　get　ready　for　that　night；　and　other　affairs　to　attend　to；　and
left　them　grouped　together　like　crestfallen　conspiratorsall　save　Miller
Gorse；　whose　pervasive　gaze　seemed　to　follow　me　after　I　had　closed　the
door。

An　elevator　took　me　down　to　the　lobby　of　the　Corn　Bank　Building。　　I
paused　for　a　moment；　aimlessly　regarding　the　streams　of　humanity　hurrying
in　and　out；　streaking　the　white　marble　floor　with　the　wet　filth　of　the
streets。　　Someone　spoke　my　name。　　It　was　Bitter；　Judd　Jason's　〃legal〃
tool；　and　I　permitted　myself　to　be　dragged　out　of　the　eddies　into　a　quiet
corner　by　the　cigar　stand。

〃Say；　I　guess　we've　got　Krebs's　goat　all　right；　this　time；〃　he　told　me
confidentially；　in　a　voice　a　little　above　a　whisper；　〃he　was　busy　with
the　shirt…waist　girls　last　year；　you　remember；　when　they　were　striking。
Well；　one　of　'em；　one　of　the　strike　leaders；　has　taken　to　easy　street；
she's　agreed　to　send　him　a　letter　to…night　to　come　'round　to　her　room
after　his　meeting；　to　say　that　she's　sick　and　wants　to　see　him。　　He'll
go；　all　right。　　We'll　have　some　fun；　we'll　be　ready　for　him。　　Do　you　get
me？　　So　long。　　The　old　man's　waiting　for　me。〃

It　may　seem　odd　that　this　piece　of　information　did　not　produce　an
immediately　revolting　effect。　　I　knew　that　similar　practices　had　been
tried　on　Krebs；　but　this　was　the　first　time　I　had　heard　of　a　definite
plan；　and　from　a　man　like　Bitter。　　As　I　made　my　way　out　of　the　building　I
had；　indeed；　a　nauseated　feeling；　Jason's　〃lawyer〃　was　a　dirty　little
man；　smelling　of　stale　cigars；　with　a　blue…black；　unshaven　face。　　In
spite　of　the　shocking　nature　of　his　confidence；　he　had　actually　not
succeeded　in　deflecting　the　current　of　my　thoughts；　these　were　still
running　over　the　scene　in　the　directors'　room。　　I　had　listened　to　him
passively　while　he　had　held　my　buttonhole；　and　he　had　detained　me　but　an
instant。

When　I　reached　the　street　I　was　wondering　whether　Gorse　and　Dickinson　and
the　others；　Grierson　especially；　could　possibly　have　entertained　the
belief　that　I　would　turn　traitor？　　I　told　myself　that　I　had　no　intention
of　this。　　How　could　I　turn　traitor？　and　what　would　be　the　object？
revenge？　　The　nauseated　feeling　grew　more　acute。。。。　　Reaching　my　office；
I　shut　the　door；　sat　down　at　my　desk；　summoned　my　will；　and　began　to　jot
down　random　notes　for　the　part　of　my　speech　I　was　to　give　the　newspapers；
notes　that　were　mere　silly　fragments　of　arguments　I　had　once　thought
effective。　　I　could　no　more　concentrate　on　them　than　I　could　have　written
a　poem。　　Gradually；　like　the　smoke　that　settled　down　on　our　city　until　we
lived　in　darkness　at　midday；　the　horror　of　what　Bitter　had　told　me　began
to　pervade　my　mind；　until　I　was　in　a　state　of　terror。

Had　I；　Hugh　Paret；　fallen　to　this；　that　I　could　stand　by　consenting　to　an
act　which　was　worse　than　assassination？　　Was　any　cause　worth　it？　　Could
any　cause　survive　it？　　But　my　attempts　at　reasoning　might　be　likened　to
the　strainings　of　a　wayfarer　lost　on　a　mountain　side　to　pick　his　way　in
the　gathering　dusk。　　I　had　just　that　desperate　feeling　of　being　lost；　and
with　it　went　an　acute　sense　of　an　imminent　danger；　the　ground；　no　longer
firm　under　my　feet；　had　become　a　sliding　shale　sloping　toward　an　unseen
precipice。　　Perhaps；　like　the　wayfarer；　my　fears　were　the　sharper　for　the
memory　of　the　beauty　of　the　morning　on　that　same　mountain；　when；　filled
with　vigour；　I　had　gazed　on　it　from　the　plain　below　and　beheld　the　sun
breaking　through　the　mists。。。。

The　necessity　of　taking　some　action　to　avert　what　I　now　realized　as　an
infamy　pressed　upon　me；　yet　in　conflict　with　the　pressure　of　this
necessity　there　persisted　that　old　rebellion；　that　bitterness　which　had
been　growing　all　these　years　against　the　man　who；　above　all　others；
seemed　to　me　to　represent　the　forces　setting　at　nought　my　achievements；
bringing　me　to　this　pass。。。。

I　thought　of　appealing　to　Leonard　Dickinson；　who　surely；　if　he　knew　of
it；　would　not　permit　this　thing　to　be　done；　and　he　was　the　only　man　with
the　possible　exception　of　Miller　Gorse　who　might　be　able　to　restrain　Judd
Jason。　　But　I　delayed　until　after　the　luncheon　hour；　when　I　called　up　the
bank　on　the　telephone；　to　discover　that　it　was　closed。　　I　had　forgotten
that　the　day　was　Saturday。　　I　was　prepared　to　say　that　I　would　withdraw
from　the　campaign；　warn　Krebs　myself　if　this　kind　of　tactics　were　not
suppressed。　　But　I　could　not　get　the　banker。　　Then　I　began　to　have　doubts
of　Dickinson's　power　in　the　matter。　　Judd　Jason　had　never　been　tractable；
by　any　means；　he　had　always　maintained　a　considerable　independence　of　the
financial　powers；　and　to…day　not　only　financial　control；　but　the
dominance　of　Jason　himself　was　at　stake。　　He　would　fight　for　it　to　the
last　ditch；　and　make　use　of　any　means。　　No；　it　was　of　no　use　to　appeal　to
him。　　What　then？　　Well；　there　was　a　reaction；　or　an　attempt　at　one。
Krebs　had　not　been　born　yesterday；　he　had　avoided　the　wiles　of　the
politicians　heretofore；　he　wouldn't　be　fool　enough　to　be　taken　in　now。　　I
told　myself　that　if　I　were　not　in　a　state　bordering　on　a　nervous
breakdown；　I　should　laugh　at　such　morbid　fears；　I　steadied　myself
sufficiently　to　dictate　the　extract　from　my　speech　that　was　to　be
published。　　I　was　to　make　addresses　at　two　halls；　alternating　with　Parks；
the　mayoralty　candidate。　　At　four　o'clock　I　went　back　to　my　room　in　the
Club　to　try　to　get　some　rest。。。。

Seddon's　Hall；　the　place　of　my　first　meeting；　was　jammed　that　Saturday
night。　　I　went　through　my　speech　automatically；　as　in　a　dream；　the　habit
of　long　years　asserting　itself。　　And　yetso　I　was　told　afterwardsmy
delivery　was　not　mechanical；　and　I　actually　achieved　more　emphasis；　gave
a　greater　impression　of　conviction　than　at　any　time　since　the　night　I　had
lost　my　control　and　violently　denounced　the　reformers。　　By　some
astonishing　subconscious　process　I　had　regained　my　manner；　but　the
applause　came　to　me　as　from　a　distance。　　Not　only　was　my　mind　not　there；
it　did　not　seem　to　be　anywhere。　　I　was　dazed；　nor　did　I　feelsave　once
a　fleeting　surge　of　contempt　for　the　mob　below　me　with　their　silly　faces
upturned　to　mine。　　There　may　have　been　intelligent　expressions　among
them；　but　they　failed　to　catch　my　eye。

I　remember　being　stopped　by　Grierson　as　I　was　going　out　of　the　side
entrance。　　He　took　my　hand　and　squeezed　it；　and　there　was　on　his　face　an
odd；　surprised　look。

〃That　was　the　best　yet；　Hugh；〃　he　said。

I　went　on　past　him。　　Looking　back　on　that　evening　now；　it　would　almost
seem　as　though　the　volition　of　another　possessed　me；　not　my　own：
seemingly；　I　had　every　intention　of　going　on　to　the　National　Theatre；　in
which　Parks　had　just　spoken；　and　as　I　descended　the　narrow　stairway　and
emerged　on　the　side　street　I　caught　sight　of　my　chauffeur　awaiting　me　by
the　curb。

〃I'm　not　going　to　that　other　meeting；〃　I　found　myself　saying。　　〃I'm
pretty　tired。〃

〃Shall　I　drive　you　back　to　the　Club；　sir？〃　he　inquired。

〃NoI'll　walk　back。　　Wait　a　moment。〃　　I　entered　the　ear；　turned　on　the
light　and　scribbled　a　hasty　note　to　Andrews；　the　chairman　of　the　meeting
at　the　National；　telling　him　that　I　was　too　tired　to　speak　again　that
night；　and　to　ask　one　of　the　younger　men　there　to　take　my　place。　　Then　I
got　out　of　the　car　and　gave　the　note　to　the　chauffeur。

〃You're　all　right；　sir？〃　he　asked；　with　a　note　of　anxiety　in　his　voice。
He　had　been　with　me　a　long　time。

I　reassured　him。　　He　started　the　car；　and　I　watched　it　absently　as　it
gathered　speed　and　turned　the　corner。　　I　began　to　walk；　slowly　at　first；
then　more　and　more　rapidly　until　I　had　gained　a　breathless　pace；　in　ten
minutes　I　was　in　West　Street；　standing　in　front　of　the　Templar's　Hall
where　the　meeting　of　the　Citizens　Union　west　in　progress。　　Now　that　I　had
arrived　there；　doubt　and　uncertainty　assailed　me。　　I　had　come　as　it　were
in　spite　of　myself；　thrust　onward　by　an　impulse　I　did　not　understand；
which　did　not　seem　to　be　mine。　　What　was　I　going　to　do？　　The　proceeding
suddenly　appeared　to　me　as　ridiculous；　tinged　with　the　weirdness　of
somnambulism。　　I　revolted；　walked　away；　got　as　far　as　the　corner　and
stood　beside　a　lamp　post；　pretending　to　be　waiting　for　a　car。　　The　street
lights　were　reflected　in　perpendicular；　wavy…yellow　ribbons　on　the　wet
asphalt；　and　I　stood　staring　with　foolish　intentness　at　this　phenomenon；
wondering　how　a　painter　would　get　the　effect　in　oils。　　Again　I　was
walking　back　towards　the　hall；　combating　the　acknowledgment　to　myself
that　I　had　a　plan；　a　plan　that　I　did　not　for　a　moment　believe　I　would
carry　out。　　I　was　shivering。

I　climbed　the　steps。　　The　wide　vestibule　was　empty　except　for　two　men　who
stopped　a　low…toned　conversation　to　look　at　me。　　I　wondered　whether　they
recognized　me；　that　I　might　be　recognized　was　an　alarming　possibility
which　had　not　occurred　to　me。

〃Who　is　speaking？〃　I　asked。

〃Mr。　Krebs；〃　answered　the　taller　man　of　the　two。

The　hum　of　applause　came　from　behind　the　swinging　doors。　　I　pushed　them
open　cautiously；　passing　suddenly　out　of　the　cold　into　the　reeking；
heated　atmosphere　of　a　building　packe