ful。
One day she happened to mention her diary； and say it was a present comfort to her； and instructive to review。 Julia； catching at every straw of consolation； said she would keep one too； and asked a sight of Jane's for a model。 〃No； dear friend；〃 said Jane： 〃a diary should be one's self on paper。〃
This was fortunate： it precluded that servile imitation； in which her sex excels even mine； and consequently the two records reflect two good girls； instead of one in two skins； and may be trusted to conduct this narrative forward； and relieve its monotony a little： only； of course； the reader must not expect to see the plot of a story carried minutely out in two crude compositions written with an object so distinct： he must watch for glimpses and make the most of indications。 Nor is this an excessive demand upon his intelligence； for； if he cannot do this with a book； how will he do it in real life； where male and female characters reveal their true selves by glimpses only； and the gravest and most dramatic events give the diviner so few and faint signs of their coming？
_Extracts from Julia Dodd's Diary。_
_〃Dec。 5th。_It is all over； they have taken papa away to an asylum： and the house is like a grave； but for our outbursts of sorrow。 Just before he went away the medal cameoh no； I cannot。 Poor； poor mamma！
〃8 P。 M。 In the midst of our affliction Heaven sent us a ray of comfort： the kindest letter from a lady； a perfect stranger。 It came yesterday； but now I have got it to copy： oh； bless it； and the good； kind writer。
〃'DEAR MADAM；I scarcely know whether to hope or to fear that your good husband may have mentioned my name to you： however； he is just the man to pass over both my misbehaviour and his own gallantry； so I beg permission to introduce myself。 I and my little boy were passengers by the _Agra；_ I was spoiled by a long residence in India； and gave your husband sore trouble by resisting discipline； refusing to put out my light at nine o'clock； and in short by being an unreasonable woman； or rather a spoiled child。 Well； all my little attempts at a feud failed； Captain Dodd did his duty； and kept his temper provokingly； the only revenge he took was a noble one； he jumped into the sea after my darling Freddy； and saved him from a watery grave； and his mother from madness or death； yet he was himself hardly recovered from a wound he had received in defending us all against pirates。 Need I say more to one who is herself a mother？ You will know how our little misunderstanding ended after that。 As soon as we were friends I made him talk of his family； yourself； Edward； Julia； I seem to know you all。
〃'When the ruffian； who succeeded our good captain； had wrecked poor us； and then deserted us； your husband resumed the command； and saved Freddy and me once more by his courage； his wonderful coolness； and his skill。 Since then the mouse has been at work for the lion： I despair of conveying any pleasure by it to a character so elevated as Captain Dodd； his reward must be his own conscience； but we poor little women like external shows； do we not？ and so I thought a medal of the Humane Society might give some pleasure to you and Miss Dodd。 Never did medal nor order repose on a nobler heart。 The case was so strong； and so well supported； that the society did not hesitate： and you will receive it very soon after this。
〃'You will be surprised； dear madam； at all this from a stranger to yourself； and will perhaps set it down to a wish to intrude on your acquaintance。 Well； then； dear madam； you will not be far wrong。 I _should_ like much to know one； whose character I already seem acquainted with； and to convey personally my gratitude and admiration of your husband： I could pour it out more freely to you； you know； than to him。I am； dear Madam； Yours very faithfully；
'LOUISA BERESFORD。'
〃And the medal came about an hour before the fly to take him away。 His dear name was on it and his brave courageous acts。
〃Oh； shall I ever be old enough and hard enough to speak of this without stopping to cry？
〃We fastened it round his dear neck with a ribbon。 Mamma would put it inside his clothes for fear the silver should tempt some wretch； I should never have thought of that： is there a creature so base？ And we told the men how he had gained it （they were servants of the asylum）； and we showed them how brave and good he was； and would be again if they would be kind to him and cure him。 And mamma bribed them with money to use him kindly： I thought they would be offended and refuse it： but they took it； and their faces showed she was wiser than I am。 _He_ keeps away from us too。 It is nearly a fortnight now。〃
_〃Dec。 7th。_Aunt Eve left to…day。 Mamma kept her room and could not speak to her； cannot forgive her interfering between papa and her。 It does seem strange that any one but mamma should be able to send papa out of the house； and to such a place； but it is the law： and Edward； who is all good sense； says it was necessary。 He says mamma is unjust； grief makes her unreasonable。 I don't know who is in the right： and I don't much care； but I know I am sorry for Aunt Eve； and very； very sorry for mamma。
_〃Dec。 8th。_I am an egotist： found myself out this morning； and it is a good thing to keep a diary。 It* was overpowered at first by grief for mamma： but now the house is sad and quiet I am always thinking of _him；_ and that is egotism。
* Egotism。 The abstract quality evolved from the concrete term egotist by feminine art； without the aid of grammar。
〃Why _does_ he stay away so？ I almost wish I could think it was coldness or diminished affection； for I fear something worse； something to make _him_ wretched。 Those dreadful words papa spoke before he was afflicted！ words I will never put on paper； but they ring in my ears still； they appal me： and then found at their very door！ Ah！ and I knew I _should_ find him near that house。 And now _he_ keeps away。〃
_〃Dec。 9th。_All day trying to comfort mamma。 She made a great effort and wrote to Mrs。 Beresford。〃
POOR MAMMA'S LETTER
〃DEAR MADAM；Your kind and valued letter reached us in deep affliction； and I am little able to reply to you as you deserve。 My poor husband is very ill； so ill that he no longer remembers the past； neither the brave acts that have won him your esteem； nor even the face of his loving and unhappy wife； who now thanks you with many tears for your sweet letter。 Heart…broken as my children and I are； we yet derive some consolation from it。 We have tied the medal round his neck； madam； and thank you far more than we can find words to express。
〃In conclusion； I pray Heaven that； in your bitterest hour； you may find the consolation you have administered to us： no； no； I pray you may never； never stand in such need of comfortI am dear madam； yours gratefully and sincerely；
〃LUCY DODD。〃
_〃Dec。 10th； Sunday。_At St。 Anne's in the morning。 Tried hard to apply the sermon。 He spoke of griefs； but _so_ coldly； surely he never felt one； _he_ was not there。 Mem。： always pray against wandering thoughts on entering church。〃
_〃Dec。 11th。_A diary is a dreadful thing。 Everything must go down now； and； amongst the rest that the poor are selfish。 I could not interest one of mine in mamma's sorrows； no； they must run back to their own little sordid troubles； about money and things。 I was so provoked with Mrs。 Jackson （she owes mamma so much） that I left her hastily； and that was Impatience。 I had a mind to go back to her； but would not； and that was Pride。 Where is my Christianity？
〃A kind letter from Jane Hardie。 But no word of _him。_〃
_〃Dec。 12th。_To…day Edward told me plump I must not go on taking things out of the house for the poor： mamma gave me the reason。 'We are poor ourselves； thanks to' And then she stopped。 Does she suspect？ How can she？ She did hear not those two dreadful words of papa's？ They are like two arrows in my heart。 And so we are poor： she says we have scarcely anything to live upon after paying the two hundred and fifty pounds a year for papa。
_〃Dec。 13th。_A comforting letter from Jane。 She sends me Hebrews xii。 11； and says； 'Let us take a part of the Bible； and read two chapters prayerfully at the same hour of the day： will ten o'clock in the morning suit you？ and； if so； will you choose where to begin？' I will； sweet friend； I will； and then； though some cruel mystery keeps us apart； our souls will be together over the sacred page； as I hope they will one day be together in heaven； yours will； at any rate。 Wrote back； yes； and a thousand thanks； and should like to begin with the Psalms； they are sorrowful； and so are we。 And I must pray not to think too much of _him。_
〃If everything is to be put down one does； I cried long and bitterly to find I had written that I must pray to God against _him。_〃
_〃Dec。 14th。_It is plain he never means to come again。 Mamma says nothing； but that is out of pity for me： I have not read her dear face all these years for nothing。 She is beginning to think him unworthy； when she thinks of him at all。
There is a mystery； a dreadful mystery； may he not be as mystified； too； and perhaps tortured like me with doubts and suspicions？ They say he is pale and dejected。 P