〃Maybe；〃 she said； a dull hopelessness in her voice。
Then they ran out of language and they turned and watched the surf run away with their childhood。
Laddie sat at the helm of his small sailboat and watched his mother in the bow。 He felt a gust of wind take the sail and automatically he pensated for the drift while scanning the sky。 There were squall clouds ing up ahead。 Time to head for the dock。 Slowly he began to e about。
〃Turning back？〃 he heard his mother call。
〃Yes； Mother；〃 he replied。 It seemed strange to have her aboard。 But she had wanted to e。 It was almost as if she had sensed there was something troubling him。
〃You've been pretty quiet this morning；〃 she said。
He didn't meet her gaze。 〃I have to concentrate on the boat； Mother。〃
〃I don't know what's the matter with you children；〃 she said。 〃You're both so moody lately。〃
He didn't answer。 He kept his eyes on the squall clouds up ahead。 He thought about Rina。 Then himself。 Then his parents。 A sorrow began to well up inside him。 He felt his eyes begin to burn and smart。
His mother's voice was shocked。 〃Why； Laddie； you're crying！〃
Then the dam broke and the sobs racked his chest。 He felt his mother's hand draw his head down to her breast as she had done so often when he was a baby。 〃What's the matter； Laddie？ What's wrong？〃 she asked softly。
〃Nothing；〃 he gasped； trying to choke back the tears。 〃Nothing。〃
She stroked his head gently。 〃Something is wrong；〃 she said softly。 〃I know there is。 You can tell me； Laddie。 Whatever it is； you can tell me。 I'll understand and try to help。〃
〃There's nothing you can do；〃 he cried。 〃Nothing anybody can do now！〃
〃Try me and see。〃 He didn't speak； his eyes searching her face for something； she didn't know what。 A curious dread came into her。 〃Has it… is it something to do with Rina？〃
It was as if the muscles that held his face together all dissolved at once。 〃Yes； yes！〃 he cried。 〃She's going to have a baby！ My baby； Mother；〃 he added through tight lips。 〃I raped her； she's going to have my baby！〃
〃Oh； no！〃
〃Yes； Mother；〃 he said； his face suddenly stony。
The tears sprang to her eyes and she covered her face with her hands。 This couldn't happen to her children。 Not her children。 She had wanted everything for them； given them everything。 After a moment； she regained control of herself。 〃I think we'd better turn back；〃 she managed to say quietly。
〃We are； Mother；〃 he said。 He looked down at his hands on the tiller。 The words slipped from him now。 〃I don't know what got into me； Mother。〃 He stared at her with agonized eyes； his voice strained and tense。 〃But growing up isn't what it's cracked up to be； it's not what it says in books。 Growing up's such a crock of shit！〃
He stopped in shock at his own language。 〃I'm sorry； Mother。〃
〃It's all right； son。〃
They were silent for a moment and the waves slapped wildly against the hull of the boat。 〃You mustn't blame Rina； Mother；〃 he said； raising his voice。 〃She's only a kid。 Whatever happened was my fault。〃
She looked up at her son。 A glimmer of intuition pierced the gray veil that seemed to have fallen in front of her eyes。 〃Rina's a very beautiful girl； Laddie；〃 she said。 〃I think anyone would find it difficult not to love your sister。〃
Laddie met his mother's eyes。 〃I love her； Mother；〃 he said quietly。 〃And she really isn't my sister。〃
Geraldine didn't speak。
〃Is it terribly wrong to say that； Mother？〃 he asked。 〃I don't love her like a sister。 I love her〃 … he searched for a word … 〃different。〃
Different； Geraldine thought。 It was as good a word as any。
〃Is it terribly wrong； Mother？〃 Laddie asked again。
She looked at her son； feeling a sorrow for him that she could not explain。 〃No； Laddie；〃 she said quietly。 〃It's just one of those things that can't be helped。〃
He took a deep breath； beginning to feel better。 At least she understood； she hadn't condemned him。 〃What are we going to do； Mother？〃 he asked。
She looked into his eyes。 〃The first thing we have to do is let Rina know we understand。 The poor child must be frightened out of her mind。〃
He reached forward and took his mother's hand； pressing it to his lips。 〃You're so good to us； Mother；〃 he whispered； looking gratefully into her eyes。
They were the last words he ever spoke。 For just at that moment； the squall came roaring in from the starboard side and capsized the boat。
Rina watched stolidly as the lobstermen brought the pitifully small bodies to the shore and laid them on the beach。 She looked down at them。 Laddie and Mother。 A vague spinning began to roar inside her。 A cramp suddenly seized her groin and she doubled over； sinking to her knees in the sand beside the still figures。 She closed her eyes； weeping as a terrible moisture began to seep from her。
8
MARGARET BRADLEY LOOKED DOWN WEARILY AT the papers on her desk。 They were covered with the hen…tracked hieroglyphics of the girls who trooped through her science classes。 Abruptly she pushed them to one side and got to her feet。 She walked over to the window and looked out restlessly。 She was bored； tired of the never…ending； day…in； day…out routine。
Looking out into the gray dusk of evening； she wondered why Sally's letter hadn't arrived yet。 It had been more than two weeks since she'd heard from her and usually letters came regularly twice a week。 Could it be that Sally had found someone else？ Another friend with whom she could share those intime whispered secrets？
There was a hesitant knock at the door and she turned toward it。 〃Yes？〃
〃A special…delivery letter for you； Miss Bradley。〃 It was the quavering voice of Thomas； the porter。
Quickly she opened the door and took the letter。 〃Thank you very much； Thomas；〃 she said； closing the door。
She leaned against it； looking down at the letter in her hand。 She began to feel brighter。 It was Sally's handwriting。 She crossed to her desk and rapidly tore open the envelope。
Dear Peggy；
Yesterday I was married。 。 。 。
The knock at the door was so low that at first she did not hear it。 It came again； a little louder this time。 She raised her head from the desk。 〃Who is it？〃 she called in her husky voice。
〃Rina Marlowe； Miss Bradley。 May I see you for a moment？〃
Wearily the teacher got to her feet。 〃Just a moment；〃 she called。
She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror。 Her eyes were red…rimmed and swollen； her lipstick slightly smeared。 She looked older than her twenty…six years。 She turned on the tap and cleaned the make…up from her face with a washcloth。 She stared at herself。 For ten years； she and Sally had been inseparable。 Now it was over。
She replaced the washcloth on the rack and walked out to the door。 〃e in；〃 she said； opening it。
Rina looked into the teacher's face。 Miss Bradley looked as if she had been crying。 〃I'm sorry if I disturbed you；〃 she said。 〃I can e back later if you like。〃
The teacher shook her head。 〃No； that's all right；〃 she answered。 She crossed to the small desk and sat down behind it。 〃What is it？〃
Rina shut the door behind her slowly。 〃I was wondering if I could be excused from the dance Saturday night？〃
Margaret Bradley stared at her。 For a moment； she couldn't believe her ears。 Missing the monthly dance was considered the ultimate punishment。 The girls would do anything rather than lose that privilege。 It was the only time boys were allowed within the confines of the school。 〃I don't understand；〃 she said。
Rina looked down at the floor。 〃I just don't want to go； that's all。〃
It wasn't because the boys didn't like her。 The teacher knew it was quite the opposite。 The slim； blond sixteen…year…old standing before her was surrounded by boys at every dance。 She came from a good family。 The Marlowes were well known in Boston。 Her father was a banker； a widower。
〃That's a rather strange request；〃 she said。 〃You must have a reason。〃
Rina still looked down at the floor。 She didn't answer。
Margaret Bradley forced a smile to her lips。 〃e now；〃 she said in a friendly voice。 〃You can talk to me。 I'm not that much older than you that I wouldn't understand。〃
Rina looked up at her and she was surprised by the deep revelation of fear in the girl's eyes。 Then it was gone and she looked down at the floor again。
The teacher got up and walked around the desk。 She took Rina's hand and led her to a seat。 〃You're afraid of something；〃 she said gently。
〃I can't stand them touching me；〃 she whispered。
〃Them？〃 Margaret Bradley asked； her voice puzzled。 〃Who？〃
〃Boys。 They all want to touch me and my skin creeps。〃 Rina looked up suddenly。 〃It would be all right if they just wanted to dance or to talk but they're always trying to get you alone someplace。〃
〃What boys？〃 The teacher's voice was suddenly harsh。 〃We'll soon put a stop to their ing here。〃
Rina got up suddenly。 〃I'd better go；〃 she said nervously。 〃I didn't think it would work； anyway。〃
She started for the door。 〃Wait a minute！〃 Margaret Bradley's voice was manding。 Rina turned and looked back at her。 〃Did any of them do more than… than just touch you？〃
Rina shook her head。
〃How old are you？〃
〃Sixteen；〃 Rina answered。
〃I guess by now