nothing but weariness from the life she led； yet she
perseveringly continued to live it； though it was poisoning her
husband's life。 And all his efforts to alter this life was
shattered； as against a stone wall； by her conviction； which all
her friends and relatives supported； that all was as it should
be。
The child； a little girl with bare legs and long golden curls；
was a being perfectly foreign to him； chiefly because she was
trained quite otherwise than he wished her to be。 There sprung up
between the husband and wife the usual misunderstanding； without
even the wish to understand each other； and then a silent
warfare； hidden from outsiders and tempered by decorum。 All this
made his life at home a burden； and became even less 〃the right
thing〃 than his service and his post。
But it was above all his attitude towards religion which was not
〃the right thing。〃 Like every one of his set and his time； by the
growth of his reason he broke without the least effort the nets
of the religious superstitions in which he was brought up； and
did not himself exactly know when it was that he freed himself of
them。 Being earnest and upright； he did not； during his youth and
intimacy with Nekhludoff as a student； conceal his rejection of
the State religion。 But as years went on and he rose in the
service； and especially at the time of the reaction towards
conservatism in society； his spiritual freedom stood in his way。
At home； when his father died； he had to be present at the masses
said for his soul； and his mother wished him to go to confession
or to communion； and it was in a way expected； by public opinion；
but above all； Government service demanded that he should be
present at all sorts of services； consecrations； thanksgivings；
and the like。 Hardly a day passed without some outward religious
form having to be observed。
When present at these services he had to pretend that he believed
in something which he did not believe in； and being truthful he
could not do this。 The alternative was； having made up his mind
that all these outward signs were deceitful； to alter his life in
such a way that he would not have to be present at such
ceremonials。 But to do what seemed so simple would have cost a
great deal。 Besides encountering the perpetual hostility of all
those who were near to him； he would have to give up the service
and his position； and sacrifice his hopes of being useful to
humanity by his service； now and in the future。 To make such a
sacrifice one would have to be firmly convinced of being right。
And he was firmly convinced he was right； as no educated man of
our time can help being convinced who knows a little history and
how the religions； and especially Church Christianity；
originated。
But under the stress of his daily life he； a truthful man；
allowed a little falsehood to creep in。 He said that in order to
do justice to an unreasonable thing one had to study the
unreasonable thing。 It was a little falsehood； but it sunk him
into the big falsehood in which he was now caught。
Before putting to himself the question whether the orthodoxy in
which he was born and bred； and which every one expected him to
accept； and without which he could not continue his useful
occupation； contained the truth； he had already decided the
answer。 And to clear up the question he did not read Voltaire；
Schopenhauer； Herbert Spencer； or Comte； but the philosophical
works of Hegel and the religious works of Vinet and Khomyakoff；
and naturally found in them what he wanted； i。e。； something like
peace of mind and a vindication of that religious teaching in
which he was educated； which his reason had long ceased to
accept； but without which his whole life was filled with
unpleasantness which could all be removed by accepting the
teaching。
And so he adopted all the usual sophistries which go to prove
that a single human reason cannot know the truth； that the truth
is only revealed to an association of men； and can only be known
by revelation； that revelation is kept by the church； etc。 And so
he managed to be present at prayers； masses for the dead； to
confess； make signs of the cross in front of icons； with a quiet
mind； without being conscious of the lie； and to continue in the
service which gave him the feeling of being useful and some
comfort in his joyless family life。 Although he believed this； he
felt with his entire being that this religion of his； more than
all else； was not 〃the right thing；〃 and that is why his eyes
always looked sad。
And seeing Nekhludoff； whom he had known before all these lies
had rooted themselves within him； reminded him of what he then
was。 It was especially after he had hurried to hint at his
religious views that he had most strongly felt all this 〃not the
right thing；〃 and had become painfully sad。 Nekhludoff felt it
also after the first joy of meeting his old friend had passed；
and therefore； though they promised each other to meet； they did
not take any steps towards an interview； and did not again see
each other during this stay of Nekhludoff's in Petersburg。
CHAPTER XXIV。
MARIETTE TEMPTS NEKHLUDOFF。
When they left the Senate； Nekhludoff and the advocate walked on
together； the advocate having given the driver of his carriage
orders to follow them。 The advocate told Nekhludoff the story of
the chief of a Government department； about whom the Senators had
been talking： how the thing was found out； and how the man； who
according to law should have been sent to the mines； had been
appointed Governor of a town in Siberia。 Then he related with
particular pleasure how several high…placed persons stole a lot
of money collected for the erection of the still unfinished
monument which they had passed that morning； also； how the
mistress of So…and…so got a lot of money at the Stock Exchange；
and how So…and…so agreed with So…and…so to sell him his wife。 The
advocate began another story about a swindle； and all sorts of
crimes committed by persons in high places； who； instead of being
in prison； sat on presidential chairs in all sorts of Government
institutions。 These tales； of which the advocate seemed to have
an unending supply； gave him much pleasure； showing as they did；
with perfect clearness； that his means of getting money were
quite just and innocent compared to the means which the highest
officials in Petersburg made use of。 The advocate was therefore
surprised when Nekhludoff took an isvostchik before hearing the
end of the story； said good…bye； and left him。 Nekhludoff felt
very sad。 It was chiefly the rejection of the appeal by the
Senate； confirming the senseless torments that the innocent
Maslova was enduring； that saddened him； and also the fact that
this rejection made it still harder for him to unite his fate
with hers。 The stories about existing evils； which the advocate
recounted with such relish； heightened his sadness； and so did
the cold； unkind look that the once sweet…natured； frank； noble
Selenin had given him； and which kept recurring to his mind。
On his return the doorkeeper handed him a note； and said； rather
scornfully； that some kind of woman had written it in the hall。
It was a note from Shoustova's mother。 She wrote that she had
come to thank her daughter's benefactor and saviour； and to
implore him to come to see them on the Vasilievsky； Sth Line；
house No。 。 This was very necessary because of Vera Doukhova。
He need not be afraid that they would weary him with expressions
of gratitude。 They would not speak their gratitude； but be simply
glad to see him。 Would he not come next morning； if he could？
There was another note from Bogotyreff； a former fellow…officer；
aide…de…camp to the Emperor； whom Nekhludoff had asked to hand
personally to the Emperor his petition on behalf of the
sectarians。 Bogotyreff wrote； in his large； firm hand； that he
would put the petition into the Emperor's own hands； as he had
promised； but that it had occurred to him that it might be better
for Nekhludoff first to go and see the person on whom the matter
depended。
After the impressions received during the last few days；
Nekhludoff felt perfectly hopeless of getting anything done。 The
plans he had formed in Moscow seemed now something like the
dreams of youth； which are inevitably followed by disillusion
when life comes to be faced。 Still； being now in Petersburg； he
considered it his duty to do all he had intended； and he resolved
next day； after consulting Bogotyreff； to act on his advice and
see the person on whom the case of the sectarians depended。
He got out the sectarians' petition from his portfolio； and began
reading it over； when there was a knock at his door； and a
footman came in with a message from the Countess Katerina
Ivanovna； who asked him to come up and have a cup of tea with
her。
Nekhludoff said he would come at once； and having put the papers
back into the portfolio； he went up to his aunt's。 He looked out
of a window on his way； and saw Mariette's pair of bays standing
in front of the house； and he suddenly brightened and felt
inclined to smile。
Mariette； with a hat on her head； not in black but with a light
dress of many shades