robert falconer- 第64部分

not　away　with　music；　or　listen　to　the　words　of　the　New　Testament。

During　one　of　these　Robert　had　begun　to　read　a　chapter　to　him；　in

the　faint　hope　that　he　might　draw　some　comfort　from　it。



'Shut　the　book；'　he　said。　'If　it　were　the　word　of　God　to　men；　it

would　have　brought　its　own　proof　with　it。'



'Are　ye　sure　it　hasna？'　asked　Robert。



'No；'　answered　Ericson。　'But　why　should　a　fellow　that　would　give　his

lifethat's　not　much；　but　it's　all　I've　gotto　believe　in　God；　not

be　able？　　Only　I　confess　that　God　in　the　New　Testament　wouldn't

satisfy　me。　　There's　no　help。　　I　must　just　die；　and　go　and

see。She'll　be　left　without　anybody。　'What　does　it　matter？　　She

would　not　mind　a　word　I　said。　　And　the　God　they　talk　about　will　just

let　her　take　her　own　way。　　He　always　does。'



He　had　closed　his　eyes　and　forgotten　that　Robert　heard　him。　　He

opened　them　now；　and　fixed　them　on　him　with　an　expression　that

seemed　to　ask；　'Have　I　been　saying　anything　I　ought　not？'



Robert　knelt　by　the　bedside；　and　said；　slowly；　with　strongly

repressed　emotion；



'Mr。　Ericson；　I　sweir　by　God；　gin　there　be　ane；　that　gin　ye　dee；

I'll　tak　up　what　ye　lea'　ahin'　ye。　　Gin　there　be　onybody　ye　want

luikit　efter；　I'll　luik　efter　her。　　I'll　do　what　I　can　for　her　to

the　best　o'　my　abeelity；　sae　help　me　Godaye　savin'　what　I　maun　do

for　my　ain　father；　gin　he　be　in　life；　to　fess　（bring）　him　back　to

the　richt　gait；　gin　there　be　a　richt　gait。　　Sae　ye　can　think　aboot

whether　there's　onything　ye　wad　like　to　lippen　till　me。'



A　something　grew　in　Ericson's　eyes　as　Robert　spoke。　　Before　he　had

finished；　they　beamed　on　the　boy。



'I　think　there　must　be　a　God　somewhere　after　all；'　he　said；　half

soliloquizing。　'I　should　be　sorry　you　hadn't　a　God；　Robert。　　Why

should　I　wish　it　for　your　sake？　　How　could　I　want　one　for　myself　if

there　never　was　one？　　If　a　God　had　nothing　to　do　with　my　making；　why

should　I　feel　that　nobody　but　God　can　set　things　right？　　Ah！　but　he

must　be　such　a　God　as　I　could　imaginealtogether；　absolutely　true

and　good。　　If　we　came　out　of　nothing；　we　could　not　invent　the　idea

of　a　Godcould　we；　Robert？　　Nothing　would　be　our　God。　If　we　come

from　God；　nothing　is　more　natural；　nothing　so　natural；　as　to　want

him；　and　when　we　haven't　got　him；　to　try　to　find　him。What　if　he

should　be　in　us　after　all；　and　working　in　us　this　way？　just　this

very　way　of　crying　out　after　him？'



'Mr。　Ericson；'　cried　Robert；　'dinna　say　ony　mair　'at　ye　dinna

believe　in　God。　Ye　duv　believe　in　'immair；　I'm　thinkin'；　nor

onybody　'at　I　ken；　'cep'；　maybe；　my　grannieonly　hers　is　a　some

queer　kin'　o'　a　God　to　believe　in。　　I　dinna　think　I　cud　ever　manage

to　believe　in　him　mysel'。'



Ericson　sighed　and　was　silent。　　Robert　remained　kneeling　by　his

bedside；　happier；　clearer…headed；　and　more　hopeful　than　he　had　ever

been。　　What　if　all　was　right　at　the　heart　of　thingsright；　even　as

a　man；　if　he　could　understand；　would　say　was　right；　right；　so　that　a

man　who　understood　in　part　could　believe　it　to　be　ten　times　more

right　than　he　did　understand！　　Vaguely；　dimly；　yet　joyfully；　Robert

saw　something　like　this　in　the　possibility　of　things。　　His　heart　was

full；　and　the　tears　filled　his　eyes。　　Ericson　spoke　again。



'I　have　felt　like　that　often　for　a　few　moments；'　he　said；　'but

always　something　would　come　and　blow　it　away。　　I　remember　one　spring

morningbut　if　you　will　bring　me　that　bundle　of　papers；　I　will　show

you　what；　if　I　can　find　it；　will　let　you　understand'



Robert　rose；　went　to　the　cupboard；　and　brought　the　pile　of　loose

leaves。　　Ericson　turned　them　over；　and；　Robert　was　glad　to　see；　now

and　then　sorted　them　a　little。　　At　length　he　drew　out　a　sheet；

carelessly　written；　carelessly　corrected；　and　hard　to　read。



'It　is　not　finished；　or　likely　to　be；'　he　said；　as　he　put　the　paper

in　Robert's　hand。



'Won't　you　read　it　to　me　yourself；　Mr。　Ericson？'　suggested　Robert。



'I　would　sooner　put　it　in　the　fire；'　he　answered'it's　fate；

anyhow。　　I　don't　know　why　I　haven't　burnt　them　all　long　ago。

Rubbish；　and　diseased　rubbish！　　Read　it　yourself；　or　leave　it。'



Eagerly　Robert　took　it；　and　read。　　The　following　was　the　best　he

could　make　of　it：



Oh　that　a　wind　would　call

》From　the　depths　of　the　leafless　wood！

Oh　that　a　voice　would　fall

On　the　ear　of　my　solitude！

Far　away　is　the　sea；

With　its　sound　and　its　spirit…tone：

Over　it　white　clouds　flee；

But　I　am　alone；　alone。



Straight　and　steady　and　tall

The　trees　stand　on　their　feet；

Fast　by　the　old　stone　wall

The　moss　grows　green　and　sweet；

But　my　heart　is　full　of　fears；

For　the　sun　shines　far　away；

And　they　look　in　my　face　through　tears；

And　the　light　of　a　dying　day。



My　heart　was　glad　last　night；

As　I　pressed　it　with　my　palm；

Its　throb　was　airy　and　light

As　it　sang　some　spirit…psalm；

But　it　died　away　in　my　breast

As　I　wandered　forth　to…day

As　a　bird　sat　dead　on　its　nest；

While　others　sang　on　the　spray。



O　weary　heart　of　mine；

Is　there　ever　a　truth　for　thee？

Will　ever　a　sun　outshine

But　the　sun　that　shines　on　me？

Away；　away　through　the　air

The　clouds　and　the　leaves　are　blown；

And　my　heart　hath　need　of　prayer；

For　it　sitteth　alone；　alone。



And　Robert　looked　with　sad　reverence　at　Ericson；nor　ever　thought

that　there　was　one　who；　in　the　face　of　the　fact；　and　in　recognition

of　it；　had　dared　say；　'Not　a　sparrow　shall　fall　on　the　ground

without　your　Father。'　　The　sparrow　does　fallbut　he　who　sees　it　is

yet　the　Father。



And　we　know　only　the　fall；　and　not　the　sparrow。









CHAPTER　XII。



THE　GRANITE　CHURCH。



The　next　day　was　Sunday。　　Robert　sat；　after　breakfast；　by　his

friend's　bed。



'You　haven't　been　to　church　for　a　long　time；　Robert：　wouldn't　you

like　to　go　to…day？'　said　Ericson。



'I　dinna　want　to　lea'　you；　Mr。　Ericson；　I　can　bide　wi'　ye　a'　day　the

day；　an'　that's　better　nor　goin'　to　a'　the　kirks　in　Aberdeen。'



'I　should　like　you　to　go　to…day；　though；　and　see　if；　after　all；

there　may　not　be　a　message　for　us。　　If　the　church　be　the　house　of

God；　as　they　call　it；　there　should　be；　now　and　then　at　least；　some

sign　of　a　pillar　of　fire　about　it；　some　indication　of　the　presence

of　God　whose　house　it　is。　　I　wish　you　would　go　and　see。　　I　haven't

been　to　church　for　a　long　time；　except　to　the　college…chapel；　and　I

never　saw　anything　more　than　a　fog　there。'



'Michtna　the　fog　be　the　torn…edge　like；　o'　the　cloody　pillar？'

suggested　Robert。



'Very　likely；'　assented　Ericson；　'for；　whatever　truth　there　may　be

in　Christianity；　I'm　pretty　sure　the　mass　of　our　clergy　have　never

got　beyond　Judaism。　　They　hang　on　about　the　skirts　of　that　cloud　for

ever。'



'Ye　see；　they　think　as　lang　's　they　see　the　fog；　they　hae　a　grup　o'

something。　　But　they　canna　get　a　grup　o'　the　glory　that　excelleth；

for　it's　not　to　luik　at；　but　to　lat　ye　see　a'　thing。'



Ericson　regarded　him　with　some　surprise。　　Robert　hastened　to　be

honest。



'It's　no　that　I　ken　onything　aboot　it；　Mr。　Ericson。　　I　was　only

bletherin'　（talking　nonsense）rizzonin'　frae　the　twa　symbols　o'　the

cloud　an'　the　firekennin'　nothing　aboot　the　thing　itsel'。　　I'll

awa'　to　the　kirk；　an'　see　what　it's　like。　　Will　I　gie　ye　a　buik

afore　I　gang？'



'No；　thank　you。　　I'll　just　lie　quiet　till　you　come　backif　I　can。'



Robert　instructed　Shargar　to　watch　for　the　slightest　sound　from　the

sick…room；　and　went　to　church。



As　he　approached　the　granite　cathedral；　the　only　one　in　the　world；　I

presume；　its　stern　solidity；　so　like　the　country　and　its　men；　laid

hold　of　his　imagination　for　the　first　time。　　No　doubt　the　necessity

imposed　by　the　unyielding　material　had　its　share；　and　that　a　large

one；　in　the　character　of　the　building：　whence　else　that　simplest　of

west　windows；　seven　lofty；　narrow　slits　of　light；　parted　by　granite

shafts　of　equal　width；　filling　the　space　between　the　corner

buttresses　of　the　nave；　and　reaching　from　door　to　roof？　whence　else

the　absence　of　tracery　in　the　windowsexcept　the　severely　gracious

curves　into　which　the　mullions　divide？But　this　cause　could　not

have　determined　those　towers；　so　strong　that　they　might　have　borne

their　granite　weight　soaring　aloft；　yet　content　with　the　depth　of

their　foundation；　and　aspiring　not。　　The　whole　aspect　of　the

building　is　an　outcome；　an　absolute　blossom　of　the　northern　nature。



There　is　but　the　nave　of　the　church　remaining。　　About　1680；　more

than　a　century　after　the　Reformation；　the　great　tower　fell；

destroying　the　choir；　chancel；　and　transept；　which　have　never　been

rebuilt。　　May　the　reviving　faith　of　the　nation　in　its　own　history；

and　God　at　the　heart　of　it；　lead　to　the　restoration　of　this　grand

old　monument　of　the　belief　of　their　fathers。　　Deformed　as　the

interior　then　was　with　galleries；　and　with　Gavin　Dunbar's　flat

ceiling；　an　awe　fell　upon　Robert　as　he　entered　it。　　When　in　after

years　he　looked　down　from　between　the　pillars　of　the　gallery；　that

creeps　round　the　chu