¡¡a¡¡feminine¡¡voice¡¡asking¡¡if¡¡he¡¡was¡¡busy¡£¡¡As¡¡he¡¡turned¡¡about¡¡he¡¡recognized¡¡her¡¡instantlythe¡¡girl¡¡for¡¡whom¡¡he¡¡had¡¡changed¡¡a¡¡wheel¡¡a¡¡month¡¡before¡¡and¡¡who¡¡unconsciously¡¡had¡¡infused¡¡new¡¡ambition¡¡into¡¡his¡¡blood¡¡and¡¡saved¡¡him£»¡¡temporarily¡¡at¡¡least£»¡¡from¡¡becoming¡¡a¡¡quitter¡£
He¡¡noticed¡¡as¡¡he¡¡waited¡¡on¡¡her¡¡that¡¡she¡¡seemed¡¡to¡¡be¡¡appraising¡¡him¡¡very¡¡carefully£»¡¡and¡¡at¡¡times¡¡there¡¡was¡¡a¡¡slightly¡¡puzzled¡¡expression¡¡on¡¡her¡¡face£»¡¡but¡¡evidently¡¡she¡¡did¡¡not¡¡recognize¡¡him£»¡¡and¡¡finally¡¡when¡¡she¡¡had¡¡concluded¡¡her¡¡purchases¡¡he¡¡was¡¡disappointed¡¡that¡¡she¡¡paid¡¡for¡¡them¡¡in¡¡cash¡£¡¡He¡¡had¡¡rather¡¡hoped¡¡that¡¡she¡¡would¡¡have¡¡them¡¡charged¡¡and¡¡sent£»¡¡that¡¡he¡¡might¡¡learn¡¡her¡¡name¡¡and¡¡address¡£¡¡And¡¡then¡¡she¡¡left£»¡¡with¡¡Jimmy¡¡none¡¡the¡¡wiser¡¡concerning¡¡her¡¡other¡¡than¡¡that¡¡her¡¡first¡¡name¡¡was¡¡Elizabeth¡¡and¡¡that¡¡she¡¡was¡¡even¡¡better¡looking¡¡than¡¡he¡¡recalled¡¡her¡¡to¡¡have¡¡been¡£
¡¨And¡¡the¡¡girl¡¡with¡¡her£¡¡¨¡¡exclaimed¡¡Jimmy¡¡mentally¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨She¡¡was¡¡no¡¡slouch¡¡either¡£¡¡They¡¡are¡¡the¡¡two¡¡best¡looking¡¡girls¡¡I¡¡have¡¡seen¡¡in¡¡this¡¡town£»¡¡notwithstanding¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡that¡¡whether¡¡one¡¡likes¡¡Chicago¡¡or¡¡not¡¡he's¡¡got¡¡to¡¡admit¡¡that¡¡there¡¡are¡¡more¡¡pretty¡¡girls¡¡here¡¡than¡¡in¡¡any¡¡other¡¡city¡¡in¡¡the¡¡country¡£
¡¨I'm¡¡glad¡¡she¡¡didn't¡¡recognize¡¡me¡£¡¡¡¡Of¡¡course£»¡¡I¡¡don't¡¡know¡¡her£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡chances¡¡are¡¡that¡¡I¡¡never¡¡shall£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡should¡¡hate¡¡to¡¡have¡¡any¡¡one¡¡recognize¡¡me¡¡here£»¡¡or¡¡hereafter£»¡¡as¡¡that¡¡young¡¡man¡¡at¡¡the¡¡stocking¡¡counter¡£¡¡Gad£¡¡¡but¡¡it's¡¡beastly¡¡that¡¡a¡¡regular¡¡life¡sized¡¡man¡¡should¡¡be¡¡selling¡¡stockings¡¡to¡¡women¡¡for¡¡a¡¡living£»¡¡or¡¡rather¡¡for¡¡a¡¡fraction¡¡of¡¡a¡¡living¡£¡¨
While¡¡Jimmy¡¡had¡¡always¡¡been¡¡hugely¡¡disgusted¡¡with¡¡his¡¡position£»¡¡the¡¡sight¡¡of¡¡the¡¡girl¡¡seemed¡¡to¡¡have¡¡suddenly¡¡crystallized¡¡all¡¡those¡¡weeks¡¡of¡¡self¡contempt¡¡into¡¡a¡¡sudden¡¡almost¡¡mad¡¡desire¡¡to¡¡escape¡¡what¡¡he¡¡considered¡¡his¡¡degrading¡¡and¡¡effeminating¡¡surroundings¡£¡¡One¡¡must¡¡bear¡¡with¡¡Jimmy¡¡and¡¡judge¡¡him¡¡leniently£»¡¡for¡¡after¡¡all£»¡¡notwithstanding¡¡his¡¡college¡¡diploma¡¡and¡¡physique£»¡¡he¡¡was¡¡still¡¡but¡¡a¡¡boy¡¡and¡¡so¡¡while¡¡it¡¡is¡¡difficult¡¡for¡¡a¡¡mature¡¡and¡¡sober¡¡judgment¡¡to¡¡countenance¡¡his¡¡next¡¡step£»¡¡if¡¡one¡¡can¡¡look¡¡back¡¡a¡¡few¡¡years¡¡to¡¡his¡¡own¡¡youth¡¡he¡¡can¡¡at¡¡least¡¡find¡¡extenuating¡¡circumstances¡¡surrounding¡¡Jimmy's¡¡seeming¡¡foolishness¡£
For¡¡with¡¡a¡¡bang¡¡that¡¡caused¡¡startled¡¡clerks¡¡in¡¡all¡¡directions¡¡to¡¡look¡¡up¡¡from¡¡their¡¡work¡¡he¡¡shattered¡¡the¡¡decorous¡¡monotone¡¡of¡¡the¡¡great¡¡store¡¡by¡¡slamming¡¡his¡¡sales¡¡book¡¡viciously¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡counter£»¡¡and¡¡without¡¡a¡¡word¡¡of¡¡explanation¡¡to¡¡his¡¡fellow¡¡clerks¡¡marched¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡section¡¡toward¡¡the¡¡buyer's¡¡desk¡£
¡¨Well£»¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Torrance£»¡¨¡¡asked¡¡that¡¡gentleman£»¡¡¡¨what¡¡can¡¡I¡¡do¡¡for¡¡you£¿¡¨
¡¨I¡¡am¡¡going¡¡to¡¡quit£»¡¨¡¡announced¡¡Jimmy¡£
¡¨Quit£¡¡¨'¡¡exclaimed¡¡the¡¡buyer¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Why£»¡¡what's¡¡wrong£¿¡¡¡¡Isn't¡¡everything¡¡perfectly¡¡satisfactory£¿¡¡You¡¡have¡¡never¡¡complained¡¡to¡¡me¡£¡¨
¡¨I¡¡can't¡¡explain£»¡¨¡¡replied¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡am¡¡going¡¡to¡¡quit¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡not¡¡satisfied¡£¡¡I¡¡am¡¡going¡¡to¡¡erahaccept¡¡another¡¡position¡£¡¨
The¡¡buyer¡¡raised¡¡his¡¡eyebrows¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Ah£¡¡¡he¡¡said¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨With¡¨¡¡and¡¡he¡¡named¡¡their¡¡closest¡¡competitor¡£
¡¨No£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡am¡¡going¡¡to¡¡get¡¡a¡¡regular¡¡he¡job¡£¡¨
The¡¡other¡¡smiled¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨If¡¡an¡¡increase¡¡in¡¡salary£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡suggested£»¡¡¡¨would¡¡influence¡¡you£»¡¡I¡¡had¡¡intended¡¡to¡¡tell¡¡you¡¡that¡¡I¡¡would¡¡take¡¡care¡¡of¡¡you¡¡beginning¡¡next¡¡week¡£¡¡I¡¡thought¡¡of¡¡making¡¡it¡¡fifteen¡¡dollars£»¡¨¡¡and¡¡with¡¡that¡¡unanswerable¡¡argument¡¡for¡¡Jimmy's¡¡continued¡¡service¡¡the¡¡buyer¡¡sat¡¡back¡¡and¡¡folded¡¡his¡¡bands¡£
¡¨Nothing¡¡stirring£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Jimmy¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡wouldn't¡¡sell¡¡another¡¡sock¡¡if¡¡you¡¡paid¡¡me¡¡ten¡¡thousand¡¡dollars¡¡a¡¡year¡£¡¡I¡¡am¡¡through¡£¡¨
¡¨Oh£»¡¡very¡¡well£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡the¡¡buyer¡¡aggrievedly£»¡¡¡¨but¡¡if¡¡you¡¡leave¡¡me¡¡this¡¡way¡¡you¡¡will¡¡be¡¡unable¡¡to¡¡refer¡¡to¡¡the¡¡house¡£¡¨
But¡¡nothing£»¡¡not¡¡even¡¡a¡¡team¡¡of¡¡oxen£»¡¡could¡¡have¡¡held¡¡Jimmy¡¡in¡¡that¡¡section¡¡another¡¡minute£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡he¡¡got¡¡his¡¡pay¡¡and¡¡left¡¡with¡¡nothing¡¡more¡¡in¡¡view¡¡than¡¡a¡¡slow¡¡death¡¡by¡¡starvation¡£
¡¨There£»¡¨¡¡exclaimed¡¡Elizabeth¡¡Compton£»¡¡as¡¡she¡¡sank¡¡back¡¡on¡¡the¡¡cushions¡¡of¡¡her¡¡car¡£
¡¨There¡¡what£¿¡¨¡¡asked¡¡Harriet¡£
¡¨I¡¡have¡¡placed¡¡him¡£¡¨
¡¨Whom£¿¡¨
¡¨That¡¡nice¡looking¡¡young¡¡person¡¡who¡¡waited¡¡on¡¡us¡¡in¡¡the¡¡hosiery¡¡section¡£¡¨
¡¨Oh£¡¡¨¡¡said¡¡Harriet¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨He¡¡was¡¡nice¡looking£»¡¡wasn't¡¡he£¿¡¡¡¡But¡¡be¡¡looked¡¡out¡¡of¡¡place¡¡there£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡think¡¡he¡¡felt¡¡out¡¡of¡¡place¡£¡¡Did¡¡you¡¡notice¡¡how¡¡he¡¡flushed¡¡when¡¡he¡¡asked¡¡you¡¡what¡¡size£¿¡¨¡¡and¡¡the¡¡girls¡¡laughed¡¡heartily¡¡at¡¡the¡¡recollection¡£¡¡¡¨But¡¡where¡¡have¡¡you¡¡ever¡¡met¡¡him¡¡before£¿¡¨¡¡Harriet¡¡asked¡£
¡¨I¡¡have¡¡never¡¡met¡¡him£»¡¨¡¡corrected¡¡Elizabeth£»¡¡accenting¡¡the¡¡¡¨met¡£¡¨¡¡¡¨He¡¡changed¡¡a¡¡wheel¡¡on¡¡the¡¡roadster¡¡several¡¡weeks¡¡ago¡¡one¡¡evening¡¡after¡¡I¡¡had¡¡taken¡¡Harold¡¡down¡¡to¡¡the¡¡club¡£¡¡And¡¡he¡¡was¡¡very¡¡nice¡¡about¡¡it¡£¡¡I¡¡should¡¡say¡¡that¡¡he¡¡is¡¡a¡¡gentleman£»¡¡although¡¡his¡¡clothes¡¡were¡¡pretty¡¡badly¡¡worn¡£¡¨
¡¨Yes£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Harriet£»¡¡¡¨his¡¡suit¡¡was¡¡shabby£»¡¡but¡¡his¡¡linen¡¡was¡¡clean¡¡and¡¡his¡¡coat¡¡well¡¡brushed¡£¡¨
¡¨My£¡¡¨¡¡exclaimed¡¡Elizabeth¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨He¡¡must¡¡have¡¡made¡¡an¡¡impression¡¡on¡¡some¡¡one¡£¡¨
¡¨Well£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Harriet£»¡¡¡¨it¡¡isn't¡¡often¡¡you¡¡see¡¡such¡¡a¡¡nice¡looking¡¡chap¡¡in¡¡the¡¡hosiery¡¡section¡£¡¨
¡¨No£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Elizabeth£»¡¡¡¨and¡¡probably¡¡if¡¡he¡¡were¡¡as¡¡nice¡¡as¡¡he¡¡looks¡¡he¡¡wouldn't¡¡be¡¡there¡£¡¨
Whereupon¡¡the¡¡subject¡¡was¡¡changed£»¡¡and¡¡she¡¡promptly¡¡forgot¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Jimmy¡¡Torrance¡£¡¡But¡¡Jimmy¡¡was¡¡not¡¡destined¡¡soon¡¡to¡¡forget¡¡her£»¡¡for¡¡as¡¡the¡¡jobless¡¡days¡¡passed¡¡and¡¡he¡¡realized¡¡more¡¡and¡¡more¡¡what¡¡an¡¡ass¡¡he¡¡had¡¡made¡¡of¡¡himself£»¡¡and¡¡why£»¡¡he¡¡had¡¡occasion¡¡to¡¡think¡¡about¡¡her¡¡a¡¡great¡¡deal£»¡¡although¡¡never¡¡in¡¡any¡¡sense¡¡reproaching¡¡her¡£¡¡He¡¡realized¡¡that¡¡the¡¡fault¡¡was¡¡his¡¡own¡¡and¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡done¡¡a¡¡foolish¡¡thing¡¡in¡¡giving¡¡up¡¡his¡¡position¡¡because¡¡of¡¡a¡¡girl¡¡he¡¡did¡¡not¡¡know¡¡and¡¡probably¡¡never¡¡would¡£
There¡¡came¡¡a¡¡Saturday¡¡when¡¡Jimmy£»¡¡jobless¡¡and¡¡fundless£»¡¡dreaded¡¡his¡¡return¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Indiana¡¡Avenue¡¡rooming¡house£»¡¡where¡¡he¡¡knew¡¡the¡¡landlady¡¡would¡¡be¡¡eagerly¡¡awaiting¡¡him£»¡¡for¡¡he¡¡was¡¡a¡¡week¡¡in¡¡arrears¡¡in¡¡his¡¡room¡¡rent¡¡already£»¡¡and¡¡had¡¡been¡¡warned¡¡he¡¡could¡¡expect¡¡no¡¡further¡¡credit¡£
¡¨There¡¡is¡¡a¡¡nice¡¡young¡¡man¡¡wanting¡¡your¡¡room£»¡¨¡¡the¡¡landlady¡¡had¡¡told¡¡him£»¡¡¡¨and¡¡I¡¡shall¡¡have¡¡to¡¡be¡¡having¡¡it¡¡Saturday¡¡night¡¡unless¡¡you¡¡can¡¡pay¡¡up¡£¡¨
Jimmy¡¡stood¡¡on¡¡the¡¡corner¡¡of¡¡Clark¡¡and¡¡Van¡¡Buren¡¡looking¡¡at¡¡his¡¡watch¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡hate¡¡to¡¡do¡¡it£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡thought£»¡¡¡¨but¡¡the¡¡Lizard¡¡said¡¡he¡¡could¡¡get¡¡twenty¡¡for¡¡it£»¡¡and¡¡twenty¡¡would¡¡give¡¡me¡¡another¡¡two¡¡weeks¡£¡¨¡¡And¡¡so¡¡his¡¡watch¡¡went£»¡¡and¡¡two¡¡weeks¡¡later¡¡his¡¡cigarette¡case¡¡and¡¡ring¡¡followed¡£¡¡Jimmy¡¡had¡¡never¡¡gone¡¡in¡¡much¡¡for¡¡jewelrya¡¡fact¡¡which¡¡he¡¡now¡¡greatly¡¡lamented¡£
Some¡¡of¡¡the¡¡clothes¡¡he¡¡still¡¡had¡¡were¡¡good£»¡¡though¡¡badly¡¡in¡¡want¡¡of¡¡pressing£»¡¡and¡¡when£»¡¡after¡¡still¡¡further¡¡days¡¡of¡¡fruitless¡¡searching¡¡for¡¡work¡¡the¡¡proceeds¡¡from¡¡the¡¡articles¡¡he¡¡had¡¡pawned¡¡were¡¡exhausted£»¡¡it¡¡occurred¡¡to¡¡him¡¡he¡¡might¡¡raise¡¡something¡¡on¡¡all¡¡but¡¡what¡¡he¡¡actually¡¡needed¡¡to¡¡cover¡¡his¡¡nakedness¡£
In¡¡his¡¡search¡¡for¡¡work¡¡he¡¡was¡¡still¡¡wearing¡¡his¡¡best¡looking¡¡suit£»¡¡the¡¡others¡¡he¡¡would¡¡dispose¡¡of£»¡¡and¡¡with¡¡this¡¡plan¡¡in¡¡his¡¡mind¡¡on¡¡his¡¡return¡¡to¡¡his¡¡room¡¡that¡¡night¡¡he¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡tiny¡¡closet¡¡to¡¡make¡¡a¡¡bundle¡¡of¡¡the¡¡things¡¡which¡¡he¡¡would¡¡dispose¡¡of¡¡on¡¡the¡¡morrow£»¡¡only¡¡to¡¡discover¡¡that¡¡in¡¡his¡¡absence¡¡some¡¡one¡¡had¡¡been¡¡there¡¡before¡¡him£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡there¡¡was¡¡nothing¡¡left¡¡for¡¡him¡¡to¡¡sell¡£
It¡¡would¡¡be¡¡two¡¡days¡¡before¡¡his¡¡room¡¡rent¡¡was¡¡again¡¡due£»¡¡but¡¡in¡¡the¡¡mean¡¡time¡¡Jimmy¡¡had¡¡no¡¡money¡¡wherewith¡¡to¡¡feed¡¡the¡¡inner¡¡man¡£¡¡It¡¡was¡¡an¡¡almost¡¡utterly¡¡discouraged¡¡Jimmy¡¡who¡¡crawled¡¡into¡¡his¡¡bed¡¡to¡¡spend¡¡a¡¡sleepless¡¡night¡¡of¡¡worry¡¡and¡¡vain¡¡regret£»¡¡the¡¡principal¡¡object¡¡of¡¡his¡¡regret¡¡being¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡not¡¡the¡¡son¡¡of¡¡a¡¡blacksmith¡¡who¡¡had¡¡taught¡¡him¡¡how¡¡to¡¡shoe¡¡horses¡¡and¡¡who¡¡at¡¡the¡¡same¡¡time¡¡had¡¡been¡¡too¡¡poor¡¡to¡¡send¡¡him¡¡to¡¡college¡£
Long¡¡since¡¡there¡¡had¡¡been¡¡driven¡¡into¡¡his¡¡mind¡¡the¡¡conviction¡¡that¡¡for¡¡any¡¡practical¡¡purpose¡¡in¡¡life¡¡a¡¡higher¡¡education¡¡was¡¡as¡¡useless¡¡as¡¡the¡¡proverbial¡¡fifth¡¡wheel¡¡to¡¡the¡¡coach¡£
¡¨And¡¡even£»¡¡¡¨mused¡¡Jimmy£»¡¡¡¨if¡¡I¡¡had¡¡graduated¡¡at¡¡the¡¡head¡¡of¡¡my¡¡class£»¡¡I¡¡would¡¡be¡¡no¡¡better¡¡off¡¡than¡¡I¡¡am¡¡now¡£¡¨
CHAPTER¡¡VIII¡£
BREAD¡¡FROM¡¡THE¡¡WATERS¡£
The¡¡next¡¡day£»¡¡worn¡¡out¡¡from¡¡loss¡¡of¡¡sleep£»¡¡the¡¡young¡¡man¡¡started¡¡out¡¡upon¡¡a¡¡last¡¡frenzied¡¡search¡¡for¡¡employment¡£¡¡He¡¡had¡¡no¡¡money¡¡for¡¡breakfast£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡he¡¡went¡¡breakfastless£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡he¡¡had¡¡no¡¡carfare¡¡it¡¡was¡¡necessary¡¡for¡¡him¡¡to¡¡walk¡¡the¡¡seemingly¡¡interminable¡¡miles¡¡from¡¡one¡¡prospective¡¡job¡¡to¡¡another¡£¡¡By¡¡the¡¡middle¡¡of¡¡the¡¡afternoon¡¡Jimmy¡¡was¡¡hungrier¡¡than¡¡he¡¡had¡¡ever¡¡been¡¡before¡¡in¡¡his¡¡life¡£¡¡He¡¡was¡¡so¡¡hungry¡¡that¡¡it¡¡actually¡¡hurt£»¡¡and¡¡he¡¡was¡¡weak¡¡from¡¡physical¡¡fatigue¡¡and¡¡from¡¡disappointment¡¡and¡¡worry¡£
¡¨I've¡¡got¡¡to¡¡eat£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡soliloquized¡¡fiercely£»¡¡¡¡¡¨if¡¡I¡¡have¡¡to¡¡go¡¡out¡¡to¡night¡¡and¡¡pound¡¡somebody¡¡on¡¡the¡¡head¡¡to¡¡get¡¡the¡¡price£»¡¡and¡¡I'm¡¡going¡¡to¡¡do¡¡it£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡concluded¡¡as¡¡the¡¡odors¡¡of¡¡cooking¡¡food¡¡came¡¡to¡¡him¡¡from¡¡a¡¡cheap¡¡restaurant¡¡which¡¡he¡¡was¡¡passing¡£¡¡He¡¡stopped¡¡a¡¡moment¡¡and¡¡looked¡¡into¡¡the¡¡window¡¡at¡¡the¡¡catsup¡¡bottles¡¡and¡¡sad¡looking¡¡pies¡¡which¡¡the¡¡proprietor¡¡apparently¡¡seemed¡¡to¡¡think¡¡formed¡¡an¡¡artistic¡¡and¡¡attractive¡¡window¡¡display¡£
¡¨If¡¡I¡¡had¡¡a¡¡brick£»¡¨¡¡thought¡¡Jimmy£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡would¡¡have¡¡one¡¡of¡¡those¡¡pies£»¡¡even¡¡if¡¡I¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡jug¡¡for¡¡it£»¡¨¡¡but¡¡his¡¡hunger¡¡had¡¡not¡¡made¡¡him¡¡as¡¡desperate¡¡as¡¡he¡¡thought¡¡he¡¡was£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡he¡¡passed¡¡slowly¡¡on£»¡¡and£»¡¡glancing¡¡into¡¡the¡¡windows¡¡of¡¡the¡¡store¡¡next¡¡door£»¡¡saw¡¡a¡¡display¡¡of¡¡second¡hand¡¡clothes¡¡and¡¡the¡¡sign¡¡¡¨Clothes¡¡Bought¡¡and¡¡Sold¡£¡¨
Jimmy¡¡looked¡¡at¡¡those¡¡in¡¡the¡¡window¡¡and¡¡then¡¡down¡¡at¡¡his¡¡own£»¡¡which£»¡¡though¡¡wrinkled£»¡¡were¡¡infinitely¡¡better¡¡than¡¡anything¡¡on¡¡display¡£
¡¨I¡¡wonder£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡mused£»¡¡¡¨if¡¡I¡¡couldn't¡¡put¡¡something¡¡over¡¡in¡¡the¡¡way¡¡of¡¡high¡¡finance¡¡here£»¡¨¡¡and£»¡¡acting¡¡upon¡¡the¡¡inspiration£»¡¡he¡¡entered¡¡the¡¡dingy¡¡little¡¡shop¡£¡¡When¡¡he¡¡emerged¡¡twenty¡¡minutes¡¡later¡¡he¡¡wore¡¡a¡¡shabby¡¡and¡¡rather